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2012: no sorrow at your passing

As we near the end of 2012 I have the flu.

No surprise — it’s been that kind of year.

I can’t say I’ll be terribly unhappy that 2012 is done and through. It has been an odd year to say the least. Here are some things that I won’t miss.

√ The presidential campaign. It actually started the day after Barack Obama was elected in 2008 but it really kicked into high gear this year and dominated the news all the way up to the November election and beyond, thanks again to Florida.

It was nasty as all get out and everybody wanted change of some sort or another.

If you believed the commercials all the candidates on both sides were liberal/radical socialists/ultra right wingers who wanted to raise taxes while at the same time turning their backs on our senior citizens, soldiers, gun owners, teachers, Medicare  and Social Security recipients.

In the process both sides desperately preached “real change” as opposed to your run of the mill “changy change.” They spent in the neighborhood of 3 billion dollars and got – absolutely nothing. From the looks of this fiscal cliff debacle all they got for their billions is more of the same.

It’s a strange thing. In a circus, clowns make you laugh. The clowns on Capital Hill make you want to cry.

√ Someone posted a fun map on Facebook showing in what part of the country most of the TV shows are supposed to be located. Guess what? We are located geographically between Honey Boo, the zombies from The Walking Dead and serial killer Dexter. As Gomer Pyle would say, “Surprise, surprise.”

We at BCHS are happy that our school received a B grade, but as I watch television I wonder how it happened? So many shows suck IQ points out of you. If you were to watch a steady diet of the aforementioned Honey Boo, Duck Dynasty, Swamp People, Moonshine Wars, Buck Wild and Jersey Shore you would be a drooling idiot who sat in the corner fist pumping and saying “happy, happy, happy.”

√ On a “happy, happy, happier” note, MTV has cancelled Jersey Shore after six fist-pumping seasons. However, don’t think that civilization is finally righting itself. Seizing the chance to put an even stupider show on the air, the Oxygen channel crafted All My Babies’ Mamas. Rapper Shawty Lo has brought together all 10 of his former girlfriends and their 11 children and is putting them all together in one big house in Atlanta. Somehow, I don’t think this will be an episode of Masterpiece Theatre.

√ After the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, you’d think Americans would be thoughtful and take a step back from assault rifles. Nope. More assault rifles were bought in the three days following the shooting than in the three previous years combined.

√ In sports news, the National Hockey League cancelled its entire season due to labor problems. They were shocked to learn that no one south of Pennsylvania knew they weren’t playing.

√ The Jaguars under the leadership of new owner Shad Khan launched their season long ad campaign “We’re All In.” What we failed to realize at the start of the season was that what they were all in was a clown car.

√ Before the start of the season NFL fans were shocked to discover that players on the New Orleans Saints were paid a bounty to deliver big, potentially injuring hits on opponents. Jaguar defenders expressed shock and amazement at Bounty Gate. “You mean we’re paid to hit somebody?” one defender commented.

√ After an 11-year search the government finally located and killed Osama Bin Ladin. It happened at just the right time, allowing Hollywood to put together a movie Zero Dark Thirty in time for the Oscars. With Bin Ladin gone, the nation searched desperately for a new villain.

Thankfully Gov. Mitt Romney gave us one during the first debate — Big Bird. I always suspected that he and Oscar the Grouch were up to something shady. After all, we never get to see what Oscar is hiding in that trash can.

√ As New Year’s Eve approaches, Congress still has not reached a deal on the so-called fiscal cliff. They did, however, express anger rarely seen on Capitol Hill when they learned they would have to work over the weekend.

“This is shocking,” said one congressman. “Doesn’t the president realize that we’re going to miss the New Era Pinstripe Bowl?”

√ I realize the Mayan Apocalypse actually happened. It didn’t happen on December 21 like the Mayan calendar predicted.

It’s been going on all year.

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